The Journey of Becoming the Hero of Our Own Life

In this episode, Dr. Sally and Dr. Jen take the long view of the life journey, and how we can show up as the hero of our own life. 

Transcript

0:36  Jen says the podcast explores growth patterns, developmental trajectories, and healing over time, at all the levels of reality - the personal, social, ecological, and universal levels. It is a journey of spirals, seasons, cycles, breakdowns and breakthroughs, to be explored through a variety of lenses – political/historical, evo-developmental, and trauma informed. The podcast also explores what gets in the way of transformation, and offers tools on the ground of life. We are fields of transformation participating within fields of transformation. Moving with these tides of transformation consciously is also known as the ‘hero's journey’, or the hero/ines journey. And it is in ‘the unknown’ that we claim some kind of birthright, gift of healing and wisdom. Ultimately, we return back into our families, communities and the world, to share our gifts of wisdom. Joseph Campbell named the hero’s journey, and others such as Maureen Murdock, reimagined the journey from a woman's point of view, centering not only our unique gifts and contributions, but also the cold hard truths, and often harshness that we endure because of patriarchal dominance and control. In the long view of that journey, we include “Elderhood”. And the goal of being a conscious elder is learning to make decisions that benefit not only ourselves, but our families, the planet, and animal kinfolk. We show up, to care, and live a value-driven life. Jen describes how as we get older, we start ‘making meaning’ differently. Our beliefs change and we are able to shape our own destiny in new ways. A few of us push growth to the age of 90 or beyond, which brings new challenges, such as loneliness, as our social circles start to shrink. The aging journey also gets us thinking about our legacy. Did we lead a good life? Elders can bring forth hard-earned direct experience, and knowledge. Indigenous people have always known that elders deserve respect. How do we become hero/ine's of our own lives as long as possible?

9:48  Sally says everybody has an arc to their lives - the journey of becoming mature over time, is a process of living many stories, and we can learn from each other’s story arc’s too. Sally then describes how the idea of the hero has changed from pre-modern, to modern, to post-modern, to meta-modern - from brute strength, to upper body strength, to IQ/Objectivity, to including yin/EQ/SQ. She discusses cultural heroes, for example in our movies, like Batman, Superman, and Spider Man, all male figures, still with upper body strength but also with enormous skills. They are selfless, come to rescue the feminine, and their nation, or whoever is vulnerable. Finally, we get Wonder Woman, or Catwoman - heroines fully in their own masculine agency, who are empowered and also able to rescue the vulnerable. They too are selfless, and risk their lives. They too are brave and courageous and can make a positive impact. Sally contrasts this brand ‘new heroine’ with Victorian novels, where the heroine was mostly stuck at home, with her tight corset on, where she could hardly breathe, or move. She is the one that needed rescuing, from boredom, abuse or a bad marriage, and was usually fainting and taking smelling salts, because her day was overwhelming with very little. She discusses the heroic idea of the fireman, first responder, and ER doctor, who are constantly at work, saving lives, all while becoming deeply traumatized, evident in the movie “Transplant” on netflix. This part of the hero’s journey is never spoken about. We have to reinvent the idea of what a hero does and needs. All genders can now ask who are we saving? Joseph Campbell had 17 stages to this Hero’s Journey arc, but Sally identifies three stages, to make it easier. 1) You're at home, in the village. And you're in primordial “Oneness”, the process of innocence. And something calls to you. And it's usually a challenge. 2) The journey of self discovery then is to leave the village, the known, the comfortable. You're called beyond the cozy, comfortable nest, to face all sorts of challenges. And you're initiated into stepping into your bravest most courageous self, into the unknown, fighting the demons, whatever that looks like. This is deeply transformative learning, for both men and women. 3) The third part of the story is Eldership. We return to the village, where we serve with the gifts and the knowledge that we have earned, come back into relationship, into service, as a differentiated, agentic individual – Oneness, but no longer primordial. The ‘yin of community’ and the ‘yang of individuation’, work together then in the final stage of integration, of the full arc.

19:32  Jen says redefining the hero is about reclaiming our capacity to be the everyday hero of our own lives. The hero is no longer Batman, but those doing the hard inner work, becoming the authors of our own lives, moving away from the known - which could include our family, our religious, social and educational conditioning, towards shaping our own lives, on our own terms. Conscious living is about being in a relationship with various dimensions of our inner life, and being aware of how these impact our outer life. Part of becoming the hero in our own lives is to recognize the fractal relationship between our inner and outer worlds. Jen cites Robert Keegan, who developed the theory of ‘self-authorship’, and his mentee Marcia Baxter Magolda. We're doing the work ‘within’, and building a foundation of support. Being a ‘self-authoring’ person is to become that field of safety within ourselves, that was stripped away by traumatic experiences. So learning to take responsibility for our own behavior - thinking, feeling, healing, doing - whether we're young people, or elders. We're consciously moving in the direction of more integration. All roads lead to self-awareness. 

26:48  Sally discusses the “monomyth”. The 3 stage arc shows up in everybody's life. Self-authoring means authoring our own life - facing that challenge and doing the necessary learning, in order to have a satisfying resolution, or denouement. All good authors know the arc of this plot line. The old hero's journey was a physical journey - with lots of upper body strength, a few weapons, a journey into the wilderness, to face tigers and dragons. Now, we complexify that physical journey, and say the hero's journey is a psychological journey. You still go into the unknown. You still take what you have and face the demons, but those could be internal. It's no longer only somewhere ‘out there’, although it could both, if you're fighting environmental, justice or personal issues. The demons and toxins can still be external, but now we include the internal work too. We go deep into the psyche, to heal the subject/ object split, and include yin and yang. This takes enormous courage. Consciousness is calling for this next iteration of the hero's journey. She describes the arc of Jack Mezirow, who divided the transformative hero/ine’s journey into 10 stages, and how this loop is a fractal throughout life stages. And as you step into eldership, you start facilitating growth fractals (learning) for others, and giving back your gifts. 

36:05  Jen says we all suffer, as we get older, but it’s easier to navigate the arcs if we know how to identify the patterns. As a 50 year old, Jen is on an arch-typical journey, from maiden, to mother, and now to Crone – arch-typical, yet our journeys are all unique. They're going to be as individual as we are. Regardless of our gender, there's a journey through distinct stages, marked by growth stages and states – often overlooked and underappreciated in our elder years. Jen describes these gifts of elders and says that breakdowns usually lead to breakthroughs. We need to trust that part of the journey so we aren’t easily overwhelmed. There’s a rhythm to growth, healing and transformation. As Ken Wilber said so well, we need to ‘wake up, grow up, clean up and show up’. Elders bring proof of resilience over time to younger generations. And we need that wisdom of the elders. Being a hero in our own lives is all about being a self-authoring person, or a conscious person, or a conscious elder bringing our healing gifts into the world. The cure for that loneliness is connection, and creating communities of care, in which all people and especially our elders, are lifted up, and given the opportunity to share their gifts in meaningful ways. As elders, we have a responsibility to communicate those hard earned values to the world, to use our voices. 

45:09  Sally says elders have been through the transformative cycle many times. The hero's journey keeps expanding. The old hero of brute strength, or high IQ/low EQ has resulted in a crisis of modernity, because we thought that those were the only two important values. So now we have to include the Yin - EQ/SQ - and move away from the hyper Yang values, without neglecting physical health and IQ. All the intelligences matter as we have said in the last two episodes. This is not anti-male – its anti-patriarchy, a philosophy that is devalued all the other intelligences. We are calling all heroes to up-level their complexity, because that's how we're going to serve our environment and save our planet. She cites Joseph Campbell, The hero with a 1000 faces. So who does need saving? If our environment goes down the tubes, we will need rescuing ourselves. So who will the new heroes be? We all need to step up. We all need to find our masculinity, our agency, our physical skills, our mental skills, we all need to find our femininity, our community awareness, our self awareness, and integrate these intelligences. The final stage in our personal arc can be full integration of the so called opposites - coming to understand the unity and interdependence of it all. Maybe we can come back to Oneness, at a higher more rational, individuated stage. We were expelled from that Garden of Eden, the original unity, but can return with a much deeper level of consciousness. She quotes the poet TS Eliot, about arriving where we started, and knowing the place as if for the first time. So we, with our IQ we can build cities and Gardens of Eden, but without our EQ/SQ we can just as easily destroy them. We can create heaven, or hell right here on earth. The next part of the Hero/ine's Journey is to realize we need to rescue ourselves, to man up, to woman up,  and bring all our gifts and skills and intelligence alive and awake. Not only as individuals, but for the collective. As a species, we're going through an journey – an arc of self discovery. And we need to come back, and discover this place as if for the first time.